Today was one of those days when several things quietly happen that shake me a bit, make me ponder and leave me with new nuggets to chew on and figure out what it all means.
So many friends seem to be going through very difficult times, finances, marriage, children and I often feel so powerless to help. Saying, "I'll pray.", doesn't seem enough, although I know that is the best thing I can do at times. But it feels like coming upon a starving man and telling him you'll pray for him when what he really needs is something to eat. How can I physically help people meet their immediate needs while also praying fervently for their difficulties. I have no easy answer to that one.
I have been struggling with a couple decisions that would more than likely cause some upheaval in our family. Not necessarily bad, but change and that usually means discomfort. I have been trying very hard to not get ahead of what God wants. I've shared with Brian, he is praying, I am impatient. I would love to have clear cut answers, but I've never been one to see very clearly. I follow God in the dark most of the time and often in the dark on a foggy night.
As I was driving here and there today, two songs back to back struck me right to the heart. The first one was Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day and the second was Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. In the middle of singing my heart out (I was alone in van.) my throat caught and I began to weep and not just gentle tears, but an actually sob coming from somewhere deep down and I found myself asking, do I cry out to Jesus and listen to the voice of truth and the answer is most of the time, no. Most of the time I listen to the whispers of the great deceiver that drag me down and keep me from hearing much of anything except lies.
As I lay in my nice hot bubble bath tonight, reading Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts this passage struck another chord.
"Always, the failing. I yell at children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets. I live tired. Afraid. Anxious. Weary." pg. 27
Wow, tired, afraid, anxious, has she been living in my head? So many days this is me and my life.
What do all these things mean? I don't even begin to know, but God is speaking and I'm trying to listen. Change is coming one way or another. If I listen well, it will be for the best, but perhaps not the easiest. Is the best ever easy?
5 comments:
I will be praying for you and your friend. It isn't easy to have answers for the difficult things we face.
Ann's book - finished, two times over...love. And yes, she gets it...but fails too. So encouraging...there is hope for one like me.
Blessings,
Trish
It sounds like God is talking to you. Answers will come, and (dare I say it?) I will pray for you. =)
I, too, have recently been very convicted about living being the fear and the anxiety that comes with daily life. He is very serious when He says "Trust Me" and "Do not be afraid". His arm is NOT to short to act on my behalf.
I meant beyond...not being. Sorry!
Again your post resonates with me Debbie. I am struggling with so much as are many others around me. I love your analogy of "I follow God in the dark most of the time and often in the dark on a foggy night." I feel this way so often. I think many times I am not good at hearing.
I have been praying for change within me.
I will be praying for you, Debbie.
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